hundred-ninety fifth.

dear (k)you,

so today was not really a good day for me. and seeing your picture with her, made it, if it were even possible, worse.

so it was her birthday recently. hope age catches up with her, and you won't like her anymore.

damn it.

hundred-ninety fourth.

dear (k)you,

okay. i just need to do this. i just need to rant this out of my system. I AM NOT CLINGY. i just have reply issues! what do i mean? it's like this, when people text me with messages that have that stupid question mark, i feel fucking OBLIGATED to reply to them. and it's proper texting etiquette to FUCKING REPLY BACK, like 'hey whoa thanks for answering my question'.

i am not being some clingy ass girl, but come on. i should just stop being nice to people. maybe they'd get the picture.

and to you (well, not you you, you this person i am ranting about): you say you like me, you say you're serious, but fuck you. if you can't even show me proper texting etiquette, then i think i should stop being nice. yeah. that's right. 

i'm not gonna be nice anymore.

hundred-ninety third.

dear (k)you,

so today is many things at once. first, it's the weekend. so yay. second, it's prolly one of the most stressful days ever for me, so boo. third, even it was one of the shittiest weeks, it's still the end, so double yay. and fourth, and prolly the most important, it's my first love's birthday today, so  

생일 축하합니다! <3

that's all i really want to say. oh and maybe, this: i still choose you. no matter what. cryptic i know, but well, better you don't figure it out. it might scare you. just know that, it's still you. you're still the one :') 

hundred-ninety second.

dear (k)you,

so, school already started. so far things are depressing. how could i have the strength to go on? but of course, i know i will be able to get through this. i mean, i've always gotten through things. i will eventually get there. i know it in my heart. heh.

anyway, i hope you're doing well. i know you are. don't get into accidents okay? you have to be there to welcome me when i finally get my entrance pass to where you are.

i'm not really making much sense now. my brain is a little pre-occupied. 

plus, i can still feel his arms around my waist. so. there.

hundred-ninety first.

dear (k)you,

it's my birthday today. so i at least get a birthday wish right? hm. i have so much i could wish for... things that can actually happen and would make me very happy.

...but i'm still going to wish for you. so yeah. this year's birthday wish is for you. <3

hundred-nintieth.

dear (k)you,

i am supposed to go out tonight. but fuck. my friends are making me think otherwise. seriously. i went through the hassle of reserving a table for them, which i may add costs more than i could afford, and they move like freaking turtles in their own times. why does it matter? because we could lose the reservation if they don't hurry up!! fuck it.

hundred-eighty ninth.

dear (k)you,

i could be your sea of sand
i could be your warmth of desire 
i could be your prayer of hope 
i could be your gift to everyday
i could be your tide of heaven
i could be a hint of what's to come
i could be ordinary
i could be the one

i could be your blue-eyed angel
i could be the storm before the calm
i could be your secret pleasure
i could be your well wishing well
i could be your breath of life
i could be your European dream 
i could be ordinary
i could be the one

and i would lie here in the darkness
and i would lie here for all time
and i would lie here watching over you
comfort you, sing to you

i could be your worry partner
i could be your socialite
i could be your green-eyed monster
i could be your force of light
i could be your temple garden
i could be your tender-hearted child
i could be ordinary
i could be the one

will i ever change the journey
will the hushed tones disappear
oh, little rita let me hold you
oh, little rita let me love you

i could be your leafy island
i could be your thunder in the clouds
i could be your dark enclosure
i could be your romantic soul
i could be your small beginning
i could be your soothing universe
i could be ordinary
i could be the one


... yeah i could.

hundred-eighty eighth.

dear (k)you,

eventually, you will become a memory just as i will be to you, if indeed we shared those fleeting, but strong moments. but you know the funny thing? i will probably look for you in every corner, in every crowd and wonder endlessly why i willingly let you walk away. 

you can only hurt someone until there's nothing left to hurt.

i wish i could take credit for these beautifully written words. sadly no. 

i go back to school in less than a week. i'm prolly gonna bury myself in depression again. the universe will once again start her habit of conspiring against me. 

i need a sign. i need a boost. please. just this once, just this year. can i get a pass?

hundred-eighty seventh.

dear (k)you,

이것을 찾아주십시오.

please.

hundred-eighty sixth.

dear (k)you,

oh God. is this a sign? is it really possible for you to see this?

universe, just this once, can you, like maybe, work in my favor?

fuck. i still can't believe it. even if it was just one, even if it was prolly nonsense to him/her. it is possible.

hundred-eighty fifth.

dear (k)you,

안녕하세요!

this is me trying to close the language gap. maybe this could bring us closer together? no not really. but whatever, i could just tell my brain that. it would eventually believe anything i tell it to believe. meh.

in a few days i will be back to school. and it's depression for me all over again. i wish i could see you.

i wish you could bring me out of this sadness.

당신이보고 싶어... :(