hundred-sixty second.

dear (k)you,

i should be studying now, but i'm cheating just so i can post this...

so last night i found out that my first love already has a girlfriend, and well, i'm happy and sad at the same time. not like i ever had a chance with him anyway, but well, it's just sad knowing that he's with a girl that i would want him to be with. kekeke.

you on the other hand... i know you prolly have some secret girl stashed somewhere so that i can't (won't) find out, but well, i won't put effort in trying to find out.

i'm actually preparing for my visit there to where you are. i'm serious this time. i need to go there and stay there for as long as and find a romance. i don't care if its with you or another person.. you guys look the same anyways.

but i still hope its you. i'm being incoherent again. that's what 2 servings of black coffee can do to you. i can't even write properly. >.<

hundred-sixty first.

dear (k)you,

i guess i'm just being overly emotional, and maybe it is that time of the month for me already, but anyway, to put it simply, these days, i'm very (very, very, very, very) depressed. and it didn't help (actually, i think it was the trigger) that another one of my classmates would be migrating.

why is everyone migrating so suddenly?

the truth is, i'm very sad here. school makes me very sad as is. my classmates don't actually help. it's also not helping that i think, to put it bluntly, so ugly that no guy in his right mind would look at me. and that i'm freakass insecure with every girl around me. and that i'm not doing so well in school. and that i've been studying for 6 years already and i still don't have a fucking diploma, so i can't even escape this hell hole i'm in.

they say that i'm so negative about it, but this isn't where i pictured myself now. i never pictured myself to be so lonely, and sad, and pathetic. i mean, all i do is study, and i don't even get good grades.

honestly, i just can't catch a break. for 6 years already, i just can't seem to catch a break.

i'm miserable in my school. i'm miserable in this forsaken country. i'm miserable with my life.

i'm such a little ray of sunshine aren't i?

OAO can't even give me a break, not even hasten time (actually i think You're deliberately making it slow down just to spite me-- but then again, that's Your favorite hobby anyway right?) but i mean come on. can't 68 days fly by? just the 68 days.

but of course. knowing OAO.

and just because i'm feeling mighty depressed: my answer to the question "who's "OAO"? is this:

"oh. you know when you want something so so so bad and you close your eyes and wish with all your might that somehow you'll be able to get what you want and be happy? OAO is the guy who ignores you."

hundred-sixtieth.

dear (k)you,

i've been hearing this song lately (no, actually too much already), and even though the whole point of the song isn't so very "us", i've realized that there's this one particular line that's constantly bugging in my mind, making me NOT study and NOT concentrate and NOT do anything productive. so yeah. lemme tell you what the song is about first (cuz a certain classmate of mine said that it's logical and common sense to state and define the big picture first before anything else... just saying)

aaanyway.. the song is about these 2 lovers (alright, right smack there, this make it NOT us already *bitterbitterbitter*), who are living far apart form each other, and the time difference is making them crazy since, one wakes up when the other sleeps. so yeah. it's actually the story of my best friend, but what the hell. i wanna own it too.

at least. in my mind. heh. when did it ever NOT occur there anyway?

aaanyway.. on to the line (what a long introduction. seriously, i should tone down on the ranting and focus more on NOT ruining my life)

"what time is it where you are? i miss you more than anything... it's getting lonely living upside down, i don't even want to be in this town"

so there. and there's another song that's been on constant loop in my phone too.

"i've been high, i've been low... i've been yes, and i've been OH HELL NO... won't you save me, san francisco?"

imma call you san francisco from now until maybe tom. heh.

hundred-fifty ninth.

dear (k)you,

one of my friends gave me some words of wisdom about why i am still miserably single: "you're single because you do not open yourself to other guys."

and i was like.... "fuck. YEAH."

i mean, tonight, i felt like rapunzel. with my hair growing extra lengths because literally, there were guys lining up just to talk to us.

but in the end, here i am, still talking to you. and no matter how many compliments those guys give me. i still want someone like you.

i still want you.

so yeah. here's to me...

being miserably single. fuck.