dear (k)you,
MERRY CHRISTMAS! ~~ <3
here's to another year... will i get to see you too? it seems bleak, but yes, i sure do hope so.
OAO, it's you're baby's birthday, give me a miracle, yeah?
kidding <3
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
hundred-twelfth.
dear (k)you,
so yeah, how many hearts would be invaded for the wrong reason, (how many times would i have had my heart go into a roller coaster frenzy), if each time you said "i love you", you meant it?
before i start to forget, merry chirstmas.
it'll be another year. one that might mark the start of my perpetual moving on from my crazy infatuation over you. i might, i might not. but whatever.
i still miss you today, and prolly will tomorrow. the day after that, i'll let you know.
so yeah, how many hearts would be invaded for the wrong reason, (how many times would i have had my heart go into a roller coaster frenzy), if each time you said "i love you", you meant it?
before i start to forget, merry chirstmas.
it'll be another year. one that might mark the start of my perpetual moving on from my crazy infatuation over you. i might, i might not. but whatever.
i still miss you today, and prolly will tomorrow. the day after that, i'll let you know.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
hundred-eleventh.
dear (k)you,
okay. so for lack of better company, i'm going to resort to ranting to you. i'm only going to say this once, because i prolly wouldn't have the heart to say it again -- to anybody. I FUCKING HATE HER! i mean, what the hell is going through her demented mind? i mean, is she that busy to not FEEL that she's hurting other people? why the hell does she keep acting like we haven't been friends for the past SIX FUCKING YEARS! okay no technically, it's not six years, we've been friends, NINE MOTHER FUCKING YEARS! that's fucking close to a decade already. and what? she IGNORES ME??? what the hell is that?
okay. i'm calming down now, and thinking through this rationally. am i being selfish here? that i slightly impose my presence and that i demand that she give me and audience when i'm being all emotional and stuff? i think not, see she was the one who told me to just call when i need to right? and what the hell is her problem, that she IGNORES that supposed call? okay. fine. MAYBE, she has so much to think about. i know what that's like. i've gone through that stage too, that i ignored people because i was busy with schoolwork. BUT WHAT FUCKS ME OFF IS THE FACT THAT SHE'S NOT THAT BUSY SINCE SHE CAN STILL GO OUT, HAVE FUN AND WHATNOT WITH OTHER FRIENDS.
i mean, back up one second! am i not a good enough friend to warrant a single reply? am i not enough of a friend for her huh? and what is with ditching me and another friend, to go and "have a fun saturday" with her other friends. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???
okay see normally, i wouldn't really get mad. actually, no i am not mad. i'm more hurt than mad because when all is said and done, what hurts is that i cannot even warrant a proper reply from her. i don't mind her saying "no i can't" or "maybe next time" or even just a "no". but what's so painful is that i keep on approaching her, and there's nothing. no reply, no reaction whatsover. i mean really, is that what our friendship has come to? sometimes i feel like she doesn't trust me as a friend anymore, seeing as she'd rather spend time with other people. and that just makes me sad since, it's a friendship that has weathered years. come on, almost 10 years. and it's not like we haven't been through stuff. we have. we've been with eachother, and yet. in the end, it's like we're strangers.
what makes me even more sad, is i resorted to tell this to you. non existent you.
okay. so for lack of better company, i'm going to resort to ranting to you. i'm only going to say this once, because i prolly wouldn't have the heart to say it again -- to anybody. I FUCKING HATE HER! i mean, what the hell is going through her demented mind? i mean, is she that busy to not FEEL that she's hurting other people? why the hell does she keep acting like we haven't been friends for the past SIX FUCKING YEARS! okay no technically, it's not six years, we've been friends, NINE MOTHER FUCKING YEARS! that's fucking close to a decade already. and what? she IGNORES ME??? what the hell is that?
okay. i'm calming down now, and thinking through this rationally. am i being selfish here? that i slightly impose my presence and that i demand that she give me and audience when i'm being all emotional and stuff? i think not, see she was the one who told me to just call when i need to right? and what the hell is her problem, that she IGNORES that supposed call? okay. fine. MAYBE, she has so much to think about. i know what that's like. i've gone through that stage too, that i ignored people because i was busy with schoolwork. BUT WHAT FUCKS ME OFF IS THE FACT THAT SHE'S NOT THAT BUSY SINCE SHE CAN STILL GO OUT, HAVE FUN AND WHATNOT WITH OTHER FRIENDS.
i mean, back up one second! am i not a good enough friend to warrant a single reply? am i not enough of a friend for her huh? and what is with ditching me and another friend, to go and "have a fun saturday" with her other friends. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???
okay see normally, i wouldn't really get mad. actually, no i am not mad. i'm more hurt than mad because when all is said and done, what hurts is that i cannot even warrant a proper reply from her. i don't mind her saying "no i can't" or "maybe next time" or even just a "no". but what's so painful is that i keep on approaching her, and there's nothing. no reply, no reaction whatsover. i mean really, is that what our friendship has come to? sometimes i feel like she doesn't trust me as a friend anymore, seeing as she'd rather spend time with other people. and that just makes me sad since, it's a friendship that has weathered years. come on, almost 10 years. and it's not like we haven't been through stuff. we have. we've been with eachother, and yet. in the end, it's like we're strangers.
what makes me even more sad, is i resorted to tell this to you. non existent you.
Friday, December 3, 2010
hundred-tenth.
dear (k)you,
so yeah, i was looking through the papers and found out that someone won the lottery the other day. freak ass. then it made me wonder (prolly for the nth time since i can remember), what i would do if ever i won the lottery.
and true to my freaky self, i realized that the first thing i'm going to do is switch schools. yeah, weird huh? i mean, i'm more than halfway done with this path i've taken (i'm not saying it's near already -- i can't even see the end of the tunnel yet) but still, after all these years, i would still drop it like that, start from scratch, if the opportunity (and yes, the money) would present itself. of course i'm not gonna start over HERE. NO WAY. once i get my hands on money enough to bring me and my family somewhere other than here (read: sparkly), i would literally jump on the next plane out. and then i'm gonna buy my own place there and live happily in search of love.
heh. this is precisely the reason OAO doesn't make me or any of my family members win. i want these things for all the wrong selfish reasons. but i mean, come on, who in this world would want to win the lottery without any selfish reason or thought? i'd like to meet him/her and say "YEAH RIGHT" to their faces. hahaha. mean. mean. mean.
anyway, i have another wasted day at school again toady. i say wasted cuz i only have an hour's worth of class. but i dunno. hopefully my friend would take pity on me and meet me later on. cuz... i dunno. they say sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. i just hope that this is a better investment than what i put on you. hahaha
yeah yeah i'm not making sense again. it's exam season like i said, and you know how incoherent i get during this season. but on the bright side, i'm through with 1 of 4 exams lined up for this year. YEAH.
on that note, at least for 2010... i can see the end of the tunnel. now i only need 2011 and 2012.
so yeah, i was looking through the papers and found out that someone won the lottery the other day. freak ass. then it made me wonder (prolly for the nth time since i can remember), what i would do if ever i won the lottery.
and true to my freaky self, i realized that the first thing i'm going to do is switch schools. yeah, weird huh? i mean, i'm more than halfway done with this path i've taken (i'm not saying it's near already -- i can't even see the end of the tunnel yet) but still, after all these years, i would still drop it like that, start from scratch, if the opportunity (and yes, the money) would present itself. of course i'm not gonna start over HERE. NO WAY. once i get my hands on money enough to bring me and my family somewhere other than here (read: sparkly), i would literally jump on the next plane out. and then i'm gonna buy my own place there and live happily in search of love.
heh. this is precisely the reason OAO doesn't make me or any of my family members win. i want these things for all the wrong selfish reasons. but i mean, come on, who in this world would want to win the lottery without any selfish reason or thought? i'd like to meet him/her and say "YEAH RIGHT" to their faces. hahaha. mean. mean. mean.
anyway, i have another wasted day at school again toady. i say wasted cuz i only have an hour's worth of class. but i dunno. hopefully my friend would take pity on me and meet me later on. cuz... i dunno. they say sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands. i just hope that this is a better investment than what i put on you. hahaha
yeah yeah i'm not making sense again. it's exam season like i said, and you know how incoherent i get during this season. but on the bright side, i'm through with 1 of 4 exams lined up for this year. YEAH.
on that note, at least for 2010... i can see the end of the tunnel. now i only need 2011 and 2012.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
hundred-ninth.
dear (k)you,
so yeah, it's exam season for me now. again. as if it ever stopped. anyway, i'll have my first exam, in roughly 30 hours. i've gone through everything already, but well, might not be enough. it's never enough in my hell-inspired school. so yeah. it's really been the longest time since i refrained from getting news from you. i say refrained because OAO knows how much i have wanted to really check out how you're doing, but i didn't want to. i don't know, is it my way of forgetting you? (cuz frankly if it is, it's not working seeing as i am here again talking to you moronically - although you hafta hand it to me, these have been greatly reduced) but whatever, my life is a standstill until now. nothing interesting is happening, or even going to happen. i so i guess i still look forward to that moment. that moment i wear that freaking toga, march on that forsaken stage and get that long-deserved diploma. and finally hop on the next plane out and leave this sorry excuse for a country.
yeah, i talk so big and mean. like i care. i really have no feelings when it comes to this place. none at all. i mean, the people here with me are great. if i can all pack them into one box and bring them with me, why not. but this place in general is a place where development is not possible. it fell into a rut, and it's either going to stay there, or (the more likely one) fall deeper. it's a place where i can't see myself being happy.
where you are on the other hand... well. it's a sparkling place, where love can happen. and i am counting on that ad to deliver okay? so you better be ready when i get there (i might make plans to go there to check things out, before i make it permanent)
yeah. i talk scary i know. scares me too.
so yeah, it's exam season for me now. again. as if it ever stopped. anyway, i'll have my first exam, in roughly 30 hours. i've gone through everything already, but well, might not be enough. it's never enough in my hell-inspired school. so yeah. it's really been the longest time since i refrained from getting news from you. i say refrained because OAO knows how much i have wanted to really check out how you're doing, but i didn't want to. i don't know, is it my way of forgetting you? (cuz frankly if it is, it's not working seeing as i am here again talking to you moronically - although you hafta hand it to me, these have been greatly reduced) but whatever, my life is a standstill until now. nothing interesting is happening, or even going to happen. i so i guess i still look forward to that moment. that moment i wear that freaking toga, march on that forsaken stage and get that long-deserved diploma. and finally hop on the next plane out and leave this sorry excuse for a country.
yeah, i talk so big and mean. like i care. i really have no feelings when it comes to this place. none at all. i mean, the people here with me are great. if i can all pack them into one box and bring them with me, why not. but this place in general is a place where development is not possible. it fell into a rut, and it's either going to stay there, or (the more likely one) fall deeper. it's a place where i can't see myself being happy.
where you are on the other hand... well. it's a sparkling place, where love can happen. and i am counting on that ad to deliver okay? so you better be ready when i get there (i might make plans to go there to check things out, before i make it permanent)
yeah. i talk scary i know. scares me too.
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