hundred-eleventh.

dear (k)you,

okay. so for lack of better company, i'm going to resort to ranting to you. i'm only going to say this once, because i prolly wouldn't have the heart to say it again -- to anybody. I FUCKING HATE HER! i mean, what the hell is going through her demented mind? i mean, is she that busy to not FEEL that she's hurting other people? why the hell does she keep acting like we haven't been friends for the past SIX FUCKING YEARS! okay no technically, it's not six years, we've been friends, NINE MOTHER FUCKING YEARS! that's fucking close to a decade already. and what? she IGNORES ME??? what the hell is that?

okay. i'm calming down now, and thinking through this rationally. am i being selfish here? that i slightly impose my presence and that i demand that she give me and audience when i'm being all emotional and stuff? i think not, see she was the one who told me to just call when i need to right? and what the hell is her problem, that she IGNORES that supposed call? okay. fine. MAYBE, she has so much to think about. i know what that's like. i've gone through that stage too, that i ignored people because i was busy with schoolwork. BUT WHAT FUCKS ME OFF IS THE FACT THAT SHE'S NOT THAT BUSY SINCE SHE CAN STILL GO OUT, HAVE FUN AND WHATNOT WITH OTHER FRIENDS.

i mean, back up one second! am i not a good enough friend to warrant a single reply? am i not enough of a friend for her huh? and what is with ditching me and another friend, to go and "have a fun saturday" with her other friends. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???

okay see normally, i wouldn't really get mad. actually, no i am not mad. i'm more hurt than mad because when all is said and done, what hurts is that i cannot even warrant a proper reply from her. i don't mind her saying "no i can't" or "maybe next time" or even just a "no". but what's so painful is that i keep on approaching her, and there's nothing. no reply, no reaction whatsover. i mean really, is that what our friendship has come to? sometimes i feel like she doesn't trust me as a friend anymore, seeing as she'd rather spend time with other people. and that just makes me sad since, it's a friendship that has weathered years. come on, almost 10 years. and it's not like we haven't been through stuff. we have. we've been with eachother, and yet. in the end, it's like we're strangers.

what makes me even more sad, is i resorted to tell this to you. non existent you.