hundred-forty seventh.

dear (k)you,

so yeah, i just found out one of my closest friends got engaged. she said it's been a while already, but they're keeping it a secret.

i know i should be a good friend and be happy for them, and i am actually, but i can't fully shake off that bitter feeling! i mean, last night, my baby cousin was being all curious and asking stuff like, "how old will you be when i'm x years old?" and then she got all depressed finding out that on her birthday, we're all old and she started worrying about people going to her party. and then one of my aunts go and say, "she (meaning me), may be old but at that time she probably has a baby already..."

and i was like... NAT! i mean i get it, i'm not really the type of girl ANY guy would want to have, let alone marry! back in the day, i can barely keep a guy interested in me for more than 5 seconds, nowadays, I'VE LOST THAT 5 SECONDS!

this is funny yes, but as early as now, i'm actually accepting my fate that maybe i am going to be without a partner (i say partner because no matter what i am still going to have a kid, with or without a partner)

so if i think about it, TECHNICALLY, what my aunt said is true.

oh what the fuck who am i kidding? i feel bad. period.