dear (k)you,
just because i have no one else to rant to... you have to do. there's nothing really up... i'm just feeling MIGHTY pissed at some people. i mean? really? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THEM TRYING TO EXCLUDE ME??? i mean technically, they're not really excluding me, it just happens that way, BUT FUUUCK? the least they can do is reply right? FUCK this is exactly why i want to pack my bags and get on the next plane out of this hell hole!
i am just so sick and tired of trying to please people that don't matter! i mean really, they don't matter! i'm hating myself right now. i wanna drink right now, but i have no means to. i wanna drown my woes, but sadly, i'm reduced to drinking left over alcohol and pathetic juice. why can't i just run away? i need a reason to run away OAO. why can't you give me one?
i know why... i'll regret it later right? not getting that damned diploma will make me regret everything. even if i do not do what i spent FUCKING YEARS IN FUCKING COLLEGE FOR i'm gonna regret it. but thing is... can't they be at least nice to me?
i'm trying my best to be nice to them anyway, so why can't they? MEAN FUCKING SONS (okay daughters) OF BITCHES! okay so maybe that's waaay off line.
i wish THEY graduate already. and leave me be. no. i wish I GRADUATE ALREADY and then i can leave THEM FOREVER! hmph.
it's true when they say your true friends are found in high school. cuz college? ONLY HERE DOES COLLEGE SUUCK!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
hundred-fiftieth.
dear (k)you,
so you prolly heard about it, since the world was talking about it... a few days ago some people predicted that it would be the end of the world. and i'm prolly the only non-believer who was actually disappointed that it didn't come true (okay so, i guess being disappointed means i AM a believer... but no not really. i can't explain it)
anyhoo.. i really wanted to say: world, you disappointed me. but i didn't want to risk people saying i was crazy enough to even hope that that stupid predication was actually true.
but see here, the only reason i wanted it to come true is... because i am a selfish brat. yes. i admit it. i only want the world to end because it's the only sane reason (although i'm not so sure about the sane part), or maybe excuse that i can actually end this bitter sadness that is my life. this morning, my best friend has migrated to the US already. and 3/4 of my heart is sad because she's physically gone, but the remaining 1/4 is bitter because, yes, i wish it were me! i wish i also had a ticket out of this hell aka my life. and the only ticket i can see is either 1) a winning lottery ticket (which WOULD NEVER HAPPEN) and 2) the end of the world (which as proven WOULD NEVER HAPPEN EITHER.
so to put it straight... me getting out of this hell hole. me getting out of this unhappiness. me being happy again...
WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
oh yeah. i am such a little ray of sunshine no?
so you prolly heard about it, since the world was talking about it... a few days ago some people predicted that it would be the end of the world. and i'm prolly the only non-believer who was actually disappointed that it didn't come true (okay so, i guess being disappointed means i AM a believer... but no not really. i can't explain it)
anyhoo.. i really wanted to say: world, you disappointed me. but i didn't want to risk people saying i was crazy enough to even hope that that stupid predication was actually true.
but see here, the only reason i wanted it to come true is... because i am a selfish brat. yes. i admit it. i only want the world to end because it's the only sane reason (although i'm not so sure about the sane part), or maybe excuse that i can actually end this bitter sadness that is my life. this morning, my best friend has migrated to the US already. and 3/4 of my heart is sad because she's physically gone, but the remaining 1/4 is bitter because, yes, i wish it were me! i wish i also had a ticket out of this hell aka my life. and the only ticket i can see is either 1) a winning lottery ticket (which WOULD NEVER HAPPEN) and 2) the end of the world (which as proven WOULD NEVER HAPPEN EITHER.
so to put it straight... me getting out of this hell hole. me getting out of this unhappiness. me being happy again...
WOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
oh yeah. i am such a little ray of sunshine no?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
hundred-forty ninth.
dear (k)you,
arite, so about a week ago, i went to work in this convention for people like me. so, me and a couple of my friends were assigned to assist the technical committee and basically, me and my wonderful self that cannot seem to shut up landed myself the hardest job of all... talking to all the foreign speakers. okay so it's not really the hardest, i mean, i get to sit ALL day in a lounge while the rest of my friends run around... but see here, it's boring. waiting for the speakers to come and have their visual aids checked isn't exactly very exciting. so i was reduced to literally looking at my list of speakers, waiting for them to come. and as that is the case, i started giving notice to the speakers from your home country... and lo and behold, i actually recognized one! see remember that speaker from the previous convention i had that came from your school? turns out he's scheduled to speak at this convention also! so yeah, i patiently waited for him and when he did come... HA! i sold myself to him. yeap! i talked to him and became friendly, so that i can get a shot for post grad at his university... at your university. okay, so yeah, i realized that by the time i get there, you prolly have graduated already. but what the hell! not every fan girl can say they graduated from the same university as you! ha. but maybe i should just go to japan. hm.
arite, so about a week ago, i went to work in this convention for people like me. so, me and a couple of my friends were assigned to assist the technical committee and basically, me and my wonderful self that cannot seem to shut up landed myself the hardest job of all... talking to all the foreign speakers. okay so it's not really the hardest, i mean, i get to sit ALL day in a lounge while the rest of my friends run around... but see here, it's boring. waiting for the speakers to come and have their visual aids checked isn't exactly very exciting. so i was reduced to literally looking at my list of speakers, waiting for them to come. and as that is the case, i started giving notice to the speakers from your home country... and lo and behold, i actually recognized one! see remember that speaker from the previous convention i had that came from your school? turns out he's scheduled to speak at this convention also! so yeah, i patiently waited for him and when he did come... HA! i sold myself to him. yeap! i talked to him and became friendly, so that i can get a shot for post grad at his university... at your university. okay, so yeah, i realized that by the time i get there, you prolly have graduated already. but what the hell! not every fan girl can say they graduated from the same university as you! ha. but maybe i should just go to japan. hm.
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