dear (k)you,
okay. i'm beginning to fucking hate this. so, 2 days ago, i dreamt of the little boy again. i know i said i would stop thinking of him, but fuck!
but anyway, it'll be better now.
btw, i'm on vacation now. so i think it'll be better.
yes. it'll be better.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
two hundred-fourteenth.
dear (k)you,
THIS. this will be the last time. and i mean it. i realized the last time, when i said i didn't think of him, it was because it was the weekend, and i didn't see him at all. so come weekday, BOOM! but anyway, we're going in to vacation, so i won't see him anymore - give or take for the next 2 weeks.
anyway. it's always one step forward and two steps back with him.
and it breaks my heart.
i really need to have you back in my life now. you were the only constant thing i had in my life. who'd have thought i'd come running to you when things got crazy?
not me.
THIS. this will be the last time. and i mean it. i realized the last time, when i said i didn't think of him, it was because it was the weekend, and i didn't see him at all. so come weekday, BOOM! but anyway, we're going in to vacation, so i won't see him anymore - give or take for the next 2 weeks.
anyway. it's always one step forward and two steps back with him.
and it breaks my heart.
i really need to have you back in my life now. you were the only constant thing i had in my life. who'd have thought i'd come running to you when things got crazy?
not me.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
two hundred-thirteenth.
dear (k)you,
seriously. this is the last time i will talk about the little boy! i mean it. i haven't thought of him (and my appetite has come back already, i'm at a more comfortable weight now), but it didn't help that all my transcriptions are literally littered with his name.
so it's really hard NOT to think of him, seeing as i've been staring at his name for the past 30 mins, and not studying.
so anyway. the the little boy. this is for you.
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Whoa: No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
seriously. this is the last time i will talk about the little boy! i mean it. i haven't thought of him (and my appetite has come back already, i'm at a more comfortable weight now), but it didn't help that all my transcriptions are literally littered with his name.
so it's really hard NOT to think of him, seeing as i've been staring at his name for the past 30 mins, and not studying.
so anyway. the the little boy. this is for you.
If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history, been there, done that!
Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
You swoon, you sigh
why deny it, uh-oh
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad
Whoa: No chance, now way
I won't say it, no, no
Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love
This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love
You're doin flips read our lips
You're in love
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love
Oh
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love
Monday, October 15, 2012
two hundred-twelfth.
dear (k)you,
so the last time, i said, or maybe implied, that that would be the last post about the little boy.
i lied.
i am prolly over thinking this too much. and it really doesn't deserve anymore brain cells, but yeah. i think i'm a little past that point already.
5 days since that thing happened. and i've lost give or take 5 lbs already. the highlight of that was this morning: 101 lbs. the last time i was that light, i was on my anorexic streak. and it wasn't pretty.
i don't have an appetite and sleeping has become hard.
i know my friends say, okay no maybe shout would be the better term, that these are symptoms of love.
but i seriously doubt that. i think it's more of desperation on my part rather than love. see, i don't think i'll ever find the reason to fall in love with the little boy. no. i don't think so. he's too immature (i use the word immature rather than young, because well, he's not young anymore. i'm also past that age thing). we do not have anything in common. and i strongly think that whatever it is that's happening between us, it's mostly pent up sexual tension on his side. and i'm pretty sure he'd prolly do the same thing with another girl, had he been given the chance.
fuck a duck.
ps: i really do miss you. life was simpler when i was just hopelessly in love with you.
pps: btw, my first love is coming here. thought you'd want to know.
so the last time, i said, or maybe implied, that that would be the last post about the little boy.
i lied.
i am prolly over thinking this too much. and it really doesn't deserve anymore brain cells, but yeah. i think i'm a little past that point already.
5 days since that thing happened. and i've lost give or take 5 lbs already. the highlight of that was this morning: 101 lbs. the last time i was that light, i was on my anorexic streak. and it wasn't pretty.
i don't have an appetite and sleeping has become hard.
i know my friends say, okay no maybe shout would be the better term, that these are symptoms of love.
but i seriously doubt that. i think it's more of desperation on my part rather than love. see, i don't think i'll ever find the reason to fall in love with the little boy. no. i don't think so. he's too immature (i use the word immature rather than young, because well, he's not young anymore. i'm also past that age thing). we do not have anything in common. and i strongly think that whatever it is that's happening between us, it's mostly pent up sexual tension on his side. and i'm pretty sure he'd prolly do the same thing with another girl, had he been given the chance.
fuck a duck.
ps: i really do miss you. life was simpler when i was just hopelessly in love with you.
pps: btw, my first love is coming here. thought you'd want to know.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
two hundred-eleventh.
dear (k)you,
tonight, it's all about the little boy. and how much i wish he wasn't drunk.
525,600 minutes times 4.
OAO i wish he wasn't drunk.
how i wish he wasn't.
tonight, it's all about the little boy. and how much i wish he wasn't drunk.
525,600 minutes times 4.
OAO i wish he wasn't drunk.
how i wish he wasn't.
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