two hundred-twelfth.

dear (k)you,

so the last time, i said, or maybe implied, that that would be the last post about the little boy. 

i lied. 

i am prolly over thinking this too much. and it really doesn't deserve anymore brain cells, but yeah. i think i'm a little past that point already.

5 days since that thing happened. and i've lost give or take 5 lbs already. the highlight of that was this morning: 101 lbs. the last time i was that light, i was on my anorexic streak. and it wasn't pretty.

i don't have an appetite and sleeping has become hard.

i know my friends say, okay no maybe shout would be the better term, that these are symptoms of love.

but i seriously doubt that. i think it's more of desperation on my part rather than love. see, i don't think i'll ever find the reason to fall in love with the little boy. no. i don't think so. he's too immature (i use the word immature rather than young, because well, he's not young anymore. i'm also past that age thing). we do not have anything in common. and i strongly think that whatever it is that's happening between us, it's mostly pent up sexual tension on his side. and i'm pretty sure he'd prolly do the same thing with another girl, had he been given the chance.

fuck a duck.

ps: i really do miss you. life was simpler when i was just hopelessly in love with you.

pps: btw, my first love is coming here. thought you'd want to know.