dear (k)you,
hi. it's been a long time. i'm down to my last month of this year.
sad to say, not much has changed from 365 days ago.
i'm still hopelessly desperate.
but maybe it's getting close. at least this year i came short of having someone. maybe 2013 will be kinder to me, ne?
but whatever. the real reason i had the sudden urge to write was because i felt a strange-sort-of-scared feeling about the little boy.
and get this, something happened tonight that would give me the permission to feel depressed about the asshole. but instead i get this weird ass feeling about the little boy.
it all started with a casual conversation between me and the asshole (remind me to NEVER EVER EVER EVER talk to him again). stupid conversation ended with him telling me he's coming over to see me. long story short, i freshened up to look presentable but he stood me up (AGAIN). at this point i should be seething mad again. but strangely, i was just annoyed. i sort of expected him to "flake" anyway.
so i was browsing my social network account and saw this weird ass post about seeing "top stalkers". i know it's pretty bogus and random, but what the hell, i tried it out. went on to check the order of my supposed stalkers. it was around 15 when the asshole's page appeared. note here that i was just annoyed. and then, number 22 was suddenly the little boy's page.
and curious me, checked his page. saw several things that sort of scared me. like him partying. him having a conversation with his best friend (who was supposed to be my blind date at some point). him having a life outside our "prison"... him looking pretty good.
i think i'm just scared. i think my desperation is pushing me to feel things that i shouldn't - things that wouldn't be necessary if i just let them be. if i stop imagining things.
like i said, life was much simpler when i was just obsessing over you. when did you leave my life huh?
... come back please.
all i want for christmas... is you.
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