dear (k)you,
before i start obsessing about him, i'll introduce him to you already. and then maybe, i could start "getting over" him. see i went into this summer vacay with some of my friends, and, call it desperation, but i went into boy-overdrive and got myself a hot aussie.
not that it was ever anything more than a night. i mean, sure i'm still having nonsense conversation with him until now, but that's just it. nonsense.
but anyway, he was supposed to be my step ladder out of this stupid pit i dug myself, but incidentally, since its me, i've managed to dig myself deeper into it.
classic. i swear. if i could have a birthday wish right now, i'd wish for either a reset button or a fast forward one, because i swear this is fucking bullcrap right now. and i don't want to deal with it anymore.
and speaking of birthdays. i know i said i've already gotten over him, but see this whole aussie issue needed to be written like it was actually calling me. and i take it as a sign. but i'm still pretty sure my feelings have, if not gotten even less, not changed. anyway, happy birthday little boy. you still little.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
two hundred-forty fourth.
dear (k)you,
it's been a while huh? a few key things happened: 1) i think i've finally gotten over my stupid infatuation with the little boy. 2) i'm trying to be a fitness buff now. working out 6-7x a week. 3) i've met someone. i mean "met" in the most literal sense. i just literally met him. made (insert a word smaller than small) talk. prolly not even worth anything since we were both massively drunk then. 4) i tried my best to do something about it. 5) finally plucked up the courage to make the first move. 6) GOT FUCKING REJECTED. 7) got told that he was too handsome for me. and 8) i think i've fallen into that pit of self depression and emty self esteem again. as if i've ever climbed out of that hole ever. i'm prolly mayor of zero-self-esteem-ville.
what the hell is wrong with me? fuck it. i know what. i just don't want to acknowledge it. but the thing is, why can't i get lucky?? i know i'm freaking choosy, but why can't i have something i want? being choosy is not necessarily a bad thing yknow? call it i have standards. they may be freakishly high standards, but 1 out of a 100 could like me back. and why can't i be lucky as some of the girls out there? and fact is, i'm willing to lower those freakishly high standards to a few people. like the little boy. OAO knows how many strings i pulled to lower my standards for him. and the asshole, i was ready to (pardon the term but) settle for him. he was decent enough looking, had enough money to keep me happy, nice job, nice alma mater, nice car. the new friend, i never actually talked about him, but nah, he was in a no go area, i couldn't bring myself to lower that part. then the doctor. i think i might be able to get past his receding hairline. but his history with one of my friends, prolly not. then the old friend, again, i might get past the whole appearance thing, after all, he is decent looking, but the history again, is another no go area.
so see? i'm willing to bend over somehow, if they'd be nice enough to like me back. but seeing as i'm prolly an old maid in the making...
LOVELY.
it's been a while huh? a few key things happened: 1) i think i've finally gotten over my stupid infatuation with the little boy. 2) i'm trying to be a fitness buff now. working out 6-7x a week. 3) i've met someone. i mean "met" in the most literal sense. i just literally met him. made (insert a word smaller than small) talk. prolly not even worth anything since we were both massively drunk then. 4) i tried my best to do something about it. 5) finally plucked up the courage to make the first move. 6) GOT FUCKING REJECTED. 7) got told that he was too handsome for me. and 8) i think i've fallen into that pit of self depression and emty self esteem again. as if i've ever climbed out of that hole ever. i'm prolly mayor of zero-self-esteem-ville.
what the hell is wrong with me? fuck it. i know what. i just don't want to acknowledge it. but the thing is, why can't i get lucky?? i know i'm freaking choosy, but why can't i have something i want? being choosy is not necessarily a bad thing yknow? call it i have standards. they may be freakishly high standards, but 1 out of a 100 could like me back. and why can't i be lucky as some of the girls out there? and fact is, i'm willing to lower those freakishly high standards to a few people. like the little boy. OAO knows how many strings i pulled to lower my standards for him. and the asshole, i was ready to (pardon the term but) settle for him. he was decent enough looking, had enough money to keep me happy, nice job, nice alma mater, nice car. the new friend, i never actually talked about him, but nah, he was in a no go area, i couldn't bring myself to lower that part. then the doctor. i think i might be able to get past his receding hairline. but his history with one of my friends, prolly not. then the old friend, again, i might get past the whole appearance thing, after all, he is decent looking, but the history again, is another no go area.
so see? i'm willing to bend over somehow, if they'd be nice enough to like me back. but seeing as i'm prolly an old maid in the making...
LOVELY.
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