two hundred-forty fourth.

dear (k)you,

it's been a while huh? a few key things happened: 1) i think i've finally gotten over my stupid infatuation with the little boy. 2) i'm trying to be a fitness buff now. working out 6-7x a week. 3) i've met someone. i mean "met" in the most literal sense. i just literally met him. made (insert a word smaller than small) talk. prolly not even worth anything since we were both massively drunk then. 4) i tried my best to do something about it. 5) finally plucked up the courage to make the first move. 6) GOT FUCKING REJECTED. 7) got told that he was too handsome for me. and 8) i think i've fallen into that pit of self depression and emty self esteem again. as if i've ever climbed out of that hole ever. i'm prolly mayor of zero-self-esteem-ville.

what the hell is wrong with me? fuck it. i know what. i just don't want to acknowledge it. but the thing is, why can't i get lucky?? i know i'm freaking choosy, but why can't i have something i want? being choosy is not necessarily a bad thing yknow? call it i have standards. they may be freakishly high standards, but 1 out of a 100 could like me back. and why can't i be lucky as some of the girls out there? and fact is, i'm willing to lower those freakishly high standards to a few people. like the little boy. OAO knows how many strings i pulled to lower my standards for him. and the asshole, i was ready to (pardon the term but) settle for him. he was decent enough looking, had enough money to keep me happy, nice job, nice alma mater, nice car. the new friend, i never actually talked about him, but nah, he was in a no go area, i couldn't bring myself to lower that part. then the doctor. i think i might be able to get past his receding hairline. but his history with one of my friends, prolly not. then the old friend, again, i might get past the whole appearance thing, after all, he is decent looking, but the history again, is another no go area. 

so see? i'm willing to bend over somehow, if they'd be nice enough to like me back. but seeing as i'm prolly an old maid in the making...

LOVELY.