two hundred-fifty sixth.

dear (k)you,

seeing that "1" beside the envelopes always makes me hope.

and i always get burnt.

i am so frustrated with myself. 

I DO NOT WANT TO FUCKING THINK OF HIM ANYMORE!

i don't want to, but deep in my heart i still want to. i really really want things to magically fall into place.

but i know that the more i wish for it, the more its not going to happen.

i was just built like that. i don't think i deserve something happy.

or something remotely close to my imagination. 

i'll prolly end up the way i always thought i would.

with my back up plan.

please, can i have a restart on my life? please. i've gotten myself into such a mess with all the wrong choices i've made. 

i want a new start. please.