hundred-twenty third.

dear (k)you,

so yeah, THE exam is over. i'll just have to wait for the results. i'd want to say a lot more. but my brain is fried. and i have a splitting headache. so yeah.

hundred-twenty second.

dear (k)you,

i can honestly say i have never been this stressed in my entire life. i swear. it's not an exaggeration. in about 2 days i guess, i will be taking the exam FOR MY LIFE. it's the do or die exam. really, one of the reasons i TRY to do my best is so that i won't have to get to this point. but as it life would have it, i am here now. i am really at that point where i can't even eat properly. no kidding, i literally space out in the middle of conversations. i know i should relax and not think about it, but mehn. i have stressed over this subject for more than 5 months already, and now it has finally reached the end point.

I. WILL. FINALLY. PASS. THIS. TEST.

i swear on my life that i HAVE to pass this test. like what the theme song of my life says:

and i'm doing just fine
i'm always landing on my feet
in the nic of time
and by the skin of my teeth
i ain't gonna stress
cause the worst ain't happened yet
something's watching over me
like sweet serendipity

and of course, i have you, my lucky charm.

hundred-twenty first.

dear (k)you,

i just finished a hell week, and am about to start another one. really. i don't know what to do anymore. i'll break down anytime now. and i rarely break down. i any case, i'm appealing for you to work your magic oh? you're the perpetual lucky charm. and really, you are. i guess that's my mind telling me that, and that's good, at least, my mind can attract all the positive vibes. i'm going to need it until october. and when i get there, things will be a little lighter in my head. might not be easier, but it'll be lighter. i swear. things will star to look better for me then.

so please.

hundred-twentieth.

dear (k)you,

well. 2 of the 3 exams lined up for my week have passed. and they were both crap. what sucks is i studied, only to end up getting asked ALL THE FUCKING WRONG QUESTIONS.

oh well. as if that hasn't happened to me one to many times before anyway. moving on... i still have one more exam, which i haven't studied AT ALL. and i have no idea how i'm ever going to understand those things, but what the hell. i have you for that.

i mean, i have you to be my lucky charm. so please be oh?

and the final final lab exam that i need to pass okay? don't forget :)

<3

hundred-ninteenth.

dear (k)you,

i'd just like to say that i have 3 exams coming this week, and i haven't studied yet. i was supposed to, but then one status caught my attention (see? this is why i should really not look at things like that anymore at times like these! pfft)

anyway, it roughly translates to:

how unfortunate of you, you happen to be my type.

because yeah, you have to endure all this. of course, it really isn't much compared to the "others" but well, in my mind at least, i feel sorry for you. because you didn't choose to have a stalker (aka me) walking around, claiming she has some freakish claim on you. as if you're something to be owned. pfft.

of course, it wouldn't hurt if i get to own you.

OH WHAT THE FUCK! SEE? THIS IS WHY OAO HATES ME. IT'S THOUGHTS LIKE THESE.

on a more blasphemous note, i saw something on the billboards (of course, schizo me read something entirely different).

hey GOD (of course in reality, it said "you"),

this 2011, why don't you start to LISTEN?

I AM GOING TO HELL FOR THIS.

hundred-eighteenth.

dear (k)you,

ah yes. this wouldn't be me if i didn't start with the perpetual exam entry series. kekeke yeap. they're coming alright. 10 million lecture exams and that one final lab exam that i have to pass (ps: please OAO, (k)you, daddy-o, make all your powers work at the same time please. i really need all kinds of interventions for this exam because this is the defining exam. okay maybe not defining, but still. i have to pass this exam as if my life depended on it.)

aaanyway, i guess, i better accept that my final weekend has come to an end. oh well. another 5 days of hell, plus one exam that i have to pass. scratch that, plus one exam that I WILL PASS. yeah. i will rock this one. i've finished the coverage already. i'll just review. so yeah. i'm gonna rock this.

hundred-seventeenth.

dear (k)you,

yeah. 117 is a sort of special number for me. but i really do not want to associate it with you. why? it's cuz it's a jinx number. guys that i associate with this number always fuck up. so yeah.

and just cause the internet is AAAALSO fucking me up and not making me upload the picture i intended to use and seeing as my study break is faaast winding down... i'll just write it down:

FATE FELL SHORT...

... in everything related to love in my life, to all the boys that walked in (and out), to happily ever after.

yeah. fate fucking fell short.

hundred-sixteenth.

dear (k)you,

to quote a friend's status: "he seems so in love while i'm here"

to quote what my wasted heart understood from it: "(k)you seem so in love, while i'm here"

it's different really, trust me.

don't do this to me okay? i just realized that one of the reasons i refrain from seeking any news about you is not because it's my sorry ass excuse to try and get over you (like what i've been telling myself over and over like a broken record), but it's because i'm afraid to know the inevitable...

that you're in love... yes... while i'm here.

because DUH! that most definitely isn't me. pfffft.

and what sucks, i found out that one of your brothers might have a girlfriend already. not the brother who's getting married, but a different one. sad. i like that one too. heh. not as much as you, but well, you get the picture.

so there. yeah, happy new year to me. oh why do you look so in love bb? (oops. i called you that. heh.)

hundred-fifteenth.

dear (k)you,

for lack of better things to do, i'm gonna join the bandwagon and make myself a new year's resolution.

or more accurately, a list of things, i might or might not do, depending on my mood. these lists aren't meant to be followed anyway.

so yeah...

1: i'm still going to continue dieting. i dunno why tho, but well, wouldn't hurt. i guess it's my way of reassuring myself that i could be worthy of your second glance, seeing as you will be coming here in 2 months time (fuck the world i won't be there to see you like i did before)

2: i'm going to try and be mature, after 22 years. it's high time i do, since most of the people i'm being immature at are, well, mature already - i think. and even if they're not, well, even better that i start it. don't you think?

3: i'm going to not be lazy. okay, this is highly unlikely, although i really do have to suck it up, at least for this year. once i get past the hurdle of 3-1, i might feel better about myself already. i may not have that diploma yet when i get to clinics, but at least i'm a clinician and not some no good average student that cannot do shit.

4: i try to love you more. hah. didn't see that one coming huh did you? see i had an epiphany like 5 seconds ago when i typed the number 4. see i keep telling myself to not like you, or to get over you, or to find the second best. but then i realized, if i think the other way around, i'd be attracting the same energy and possibly be able to get you to be with me. or to tempt OAO or the fate gods or what not.

so there it is. the not so new year's resolution list. course it all revolves around you. this whole thing is dedicated to you afterall.

ps: i have this really cute story: see my dad died almost 3 years ago right? so this christmas, my mom got called on by one of the friends, and gave her a card. it was from my dad, with a check for a small amount. it was a gift from him, from when he was still alive. it was a pleasant surprise really. so daddy-o. thanks, maybe next christmas it could be for me, in the form of this guy to whom this whole weird cyber shrine is dedicated to.

psyche.

hundred-fourteenth.

dear (k)you,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!~

i meant to write exactly 12mn, but then i realized, i do have a life (even if it only consisted of me celebrating with my family).

but anyway, here's to another year. will OAO be good to me this year? i sure hope so, but just in case he thinks it isn't time yet, well then...

i don't know. please wait for me, oh?

<3