two hundred-thirty fifth.

dear (k)you,

i've always thought that i was damn crazy for having this anonymous blog thing up and going for almost 3 years now, and then i realized, no, i'm not. apparently, it's pop culture. guess i wasn't THAT weird after all. 

but i will still keep it under the wraps. no names and shit.

anyway. i was having fail lunch with my family earlier and suddenly this real old song that has been playing on my ipod came on, and after hundreds of times listening to it, i finally realized something.

it was someone's song for me. well technically not yet, since i don't have a someone, but... theoretically, WHEN i do have someone. i want that to be his song for me. it goes:

build up your confidence, so you can be on top for once
(coming from the girl with zero confidence. did i mention that my baby brother has a girlfriend already! which means my baby brother and my baby sister both have someone to lean on to and bring to family gatherings, while i'm stuck being the BITTER ELDER SISTER who's forever a fifth wheel. fuck.)
wake up! who cares about a little boy that talks too much?
(a little boy that talks too much. need i say more? who cares about him indeed?)
i've seen it all go down, the game of love was all rained out
so come on baby, come on over let me be the one to hold you
i'm the one who wants to be with you
deep inside i hope you feel it too
waiting on the line of greens and blues
just to be the next to be with you 

and so it goes.

right. i think i've reached an all time low. this is even sadder than something really sad.

i'll be turning a corner soon, and nobody still likes me. i've had someone like me, but he turned away. i've had someone i like, but he's turning away.

everybody's turning away.

sometimes i wish someone does read this, and he/she could tell me that i'm not as crazy as i think. even just to make me feel better about myself.

sometimes i wish you could see this. but we both know you can't. ever.

:(