eighth.

dear (k)you,

please don't disappoint me like that okay? i wouldn't be able to take it. i saw something today, and it made me so sad. 3 of your friends said something and it made me so sad thinking you could be like them. and i liked one of them too you know? they badmouthed fat girls, and it made me really sad that you guys could think that way. i mean, does being fat mean you can't take care of yourself? i'd like to think it's the opposite. you are so good at taking care of yourself, you cook really good, that you get fat. that's what i think. why would you judge fat girls like that? i know it's your friends that said that but i can't help feeling like it came out of your mouth too. and it made me so bothered. what's with the whole superficial shit anyway? does beauty only count if you're stick thin? i mean, can't voluptous girls be pretty too? maybe where you come from, you freaking aliens. and what the fuck is up with one of your friends saying that he can get fat coz he's a boy? WHAT IS THAT? so now girls can't be fat to be beautiful? how does that even make sense? all over the world people are fighting for gender equality and you go around prancing your ass around town saying that fat girls are pretty much losers. THAT'S SOME PRETTY ASSHOLE SHIT.

but who am i kidding? i say these things but then i realize that i FORCE myself to eat no more than 2 proper meals a day just to get my weight no more than 45kg. i kill myself not eating, walking everyday back home just to lose weight. to be the skinny girl that would warrant your attention. i try my best to be something you would want.

truth is, i would still do anything for you. you are the only one i would do anything for.

AND FUCK, RIGHT NOW I REALLY HATE MYSELF.