two hundred-forty sixth.

dear (k)you,

i just have to say this once. just to let it all out.

WHY THE HELL DO I ALWAYS HAVE THIS FUCKING URGE TO REPLY??

REALLY WHY???

i don't know what the hell is wrong with me because i ALWAYS. AND I MEAN LITERALLY ALWAYS. get burned(t?) after. 

see i always have nonsense conversations with guys, and it's a miracle they even reply to me. and when they do, my pathetic heart gives in and i feel happy and i fell that fucking hope well inside me like some fucking helium-sucking balloon.

and right when i've already been given the upper hand, I ALWAYS FEEL THE URGE TO REPLY BACK. to give them back the upper hand. 

and when they don't reply back, i feel all that hope welled up fly out. and i'm left like an old battered whoopie cushion.

it sucks. i swear. i hate being hopeful. I AM SO TIRED OF HOPING. i just want to give up. 

i wish i could just turn off my emotions like a switch. life would be a lot more fun if that were the case. 

because yeah, i will admit it. just this once. i hoped this would go somewhere. i dared to hope that this could be it. or a semblance of it.

but i guess not. 

and just like that...