fourteenth.

dear (k)you,

i'm going to quote from "i wrote this for you": I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I’ll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I’ll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.

this is me now. virtually anybody that comes my way is always second best. and i always end up choosing you still. i'm going to tell you about 2 guys.

guy 1: he has the same name as you. well, maybe not the same, but your nicknames sound exactly alike. and i found that extremely funny. i was crushing on him for about a week already when i realized that you kinda have similar names (forgive me please, cause i always call you by your whole name, and he spelled his differently, so i didn't bother comparing. oh and imagine me getting an epiphany and literally freezing on the spot when i realized that ^^) so anyway. i kinda thought that you and him, having the similar names was a sign from OAO that i should give you up and settle for someone closer. and i almost did. but obviously, hell didn't freeze over, the sun is still shining, and the stars are still there waiting for me to wish on them. yeap, i chose you over him. not really so much because you're better. believe me, i think he is better for my poor heart than you who just constantly hurts me with every ticking second. but i just unconsciously chose you still. i just thought, "how can he (meaning guy 1) mean something more to me than him (meaning you)?" and i just smile. coz i dunno how to answer that question. i can give you a million reasons why he's better suited for me in the logical level. but not one in the emotional level. and sucks for me i guess, coz when it comes to you, i kinda listen to my heart over my brain.

now we go to guy 2: i think this one is pretty different from the previous. him i've known for almost 3 years now. but we only started talking around june 09. i didn't have a crush on him because he's too young (for my liking). and he's not really my type (my type is kinda dictated by you and he doesn't look tad like that - guy 1 did). he is, i admit, attractive, but like i said, not my type. but he does get his moments, like when he explains things we don't get (he's kinda the smartest) or when he just sings out of the blue (you sing better of course, but he's not bad either). it also doesn't help that he's starting to be kinda familiar with me. and that some of my friends tease me that we're a couple (said friends don't know about you T_T). so now, i'm kind of in a gray area with him. gray because i know he doesn't like me like that (and quite frankly, i don't too). but the little things that they (friends) tease us about kinda makes me happy. i dunno if it's the thought that sends fuzzy feelings in my chest area or it's actually him. it confuses me you know. but i'll probably end up choosing you anyway ^^ especially now.

so there. apparently, the world isn't going to end anytime soon. hell will still torture all those mean folks that died. the sun will still rise and fall, making us grow old. and the stars will still be there until i've exhausted them all with my wishes about you.