hundred-eighty first.

dear (k)you,

okay. i am now, officially, profoundly and irreversibly screwed up. i really don't know what's wrong with me. i know, i know, i probably just don't have enough faith in my friends, but, see, i don't like being left out. and i fell that with them. with her. she just has this way of making me feel so left out. like i'm not even her friend. and she has a way of making them follow suit, hence, not being my friend anymore. i just wish i had something to take my mind off it. a distraction. because i really can't live like this, you know, trying to make conversations with them, and not get anything out of it.

i wish i could just live in my head you know. it's so much happier there. i have you there, i have my other happy crushes there too. and them, and you are all happily smitten with me. it's all the opposite of here.

OAO, if this is your way of doing things, then i must have been the luckiest person in the world in my past life. i must have been the happiest. cuz seriously, in this lifetime, you're raking it all in. this is prolly the pay-back lifetime eh?

i was prolly a queen or an empress or something. cuz this. this is... 

i'm okay. i'm just not happy. 

i can't explain it you know, i'm okay, i'm satisfied, i'm not complaining, it's just that, at the same time, i'm not complete. i mean, i love my family, my friends (well i do, they just don't feel the same way), my life in general (i mean, i will have a pretty solid future i think), so i'm not really a wash out, but i'm sad. it's just... sad.