hundred seventy-sixth.

dear (k)you,

today, i am actually very sad. i really don't know why. i probably underestimate my friends, but i just can't help feeling that way. maybe because i'm too paranoid of being alone. or she just has her special way of making people feel very very left out. but whatever the case, right now, i feel so lonely. 

funny thing though, i never felt this way about my other friends, just to them. fuck. i am such a terrible person. or maybe because i'm just feeling mighty guilty for what happened. because i purposely did this. it's prolly the guilt talking right now. 

if i could really just fast forward everything. i really want to leave this place. seriously, there is nothing here that would make me want to stay besides my family. and let's face it, if i become filthy fucking rich, i can just relocate them all. 

what have i become eh? everything i ever thought NOT to be. i'm this age, with no job, no fucking diploma, no self-esteem, no faith, no happiness, no brains, no talent, no special someone...

i can go on and on about how pitiful i am, but it'd prolly make you think so bad of me already. i've prolly made you hate me even before you actually meet me. 

this is hopeless.