hundred-seventy eighth.

dear (k)you,

hallo. i just came back from a trip with my friends, so i didn't think of you much. sorry. i guess there's just something about my house that reminds me of you. or maybe it's just the alone-ness that leads my scumbag brain to think of you very often. more often than what is healthy.

so anyway, an eighth of the reason i went on the trip was actually to look for something to fill this stupid void in my heart. unfortunately, it did not. for the most part, it prolly even made it worse. all the more i want to look for you, or someone like you.

while on a road trip during the escapade, i heard this song, i prolly shared it to you already, since it sorta embodies my whole obsession with you, in a less freakish manner (cause believe me, there is a song that is freakily about you, but we'll save that for a rainy day). anyway, it says:

"...you know that i could use somebody. someone like you and all you know and how you speak... you know that i could use somebody... someone like you... off in the night while you're living it up, i'm off to sleep... i hope it's gonna make you notice, someone like me..."

basically, it goes something like that. i really could. really. if OAO could just give me a break.

but he prolly won't until i become a better person, and i am so far from being one. why the hell am i such a bad person anyway? karma has got it lined up for me, prolly consecutive life sentences.

i do have a back-up plan though. i'm more or less going to earn more than the average joe, so i am really going to get myself a child. one way or another.

scary thoughts i know, but well, it's a scary world nowadays anyway, baby you better get used to it.